Ok. *Deep breath*.
At Uni, we as nursing students are taught the benefit of reflective journalling. A place to talk about our day & what we think we did well, what we didn't, maybe some issues that patients bring up within ourselves. After all, we work in a pretty traumatic area. "I've seen shit man!"
I've generally just debriefed with other nurses or my husband. But consider this my reflective journal. Please note - I will not mention names or specifics in order to protect the privacy of the patients I will be talking about.
A few weeks ago, I had a patient that really got to me. Now, in critical care, we get a lot of attempted suicides. Sad, but we do. Most are overdoses, some are hangings, a few we get are physical trauma such as cutting themselves etc. As a general rule, most of these people survive because IMO they weren't trying to die, they were calling out for help. I find it incredibly sad, that people have to go to that level before people will listen to their cry, but generally when we extubate them, they are remorseful & willing to get help.
This particular older lady, who had been living with a chronic illness, WANTED to die. The things she did to herself were shocking and I almost cried on several occasions. She was not messing around, she was not calling out for help, and my heart absolutely broke that someone would be in such a deep, dark place, that they were able to do that to themselves. It was something off a horror show.
It reminded me of another patient who was riddled with Cancer, he had been through a ridiculous amount of pain to try and rid himself of said Cancer, and it had gotten to the point where his body had given up. However, his family wanted to keep fighting. Despite the fact the doctors had told them there was very little chance he would survive. I felt like I was torturing this poor man by performing care. I hated myself. These type of patients stick with me and I occasionally think back and wonder when enough is enough?
I'm talking about Euthanasia. Her chronic illness has no cure, she had lived a fairly full life, she'd had enough. He was not going to survive his Cancer, yet had to go through the indignity of losing control of his body and being kept alive by a machine until his family decided enough was enough. Not him, his family.
Australia - it's time we talk about this. We talk about abortion, we talk about child abuse, we talk about murder and yet, we cringe when the big 'E' is mentioned.
We as a healthcare system seem so intent on saving everyone. We prod, we probe, we do palliative surgery & put people through hell when unfortunately, they are going to die. We are all going to die at some stage - it's inevitable. So why do we have no say in when this happens? If you're living with chronic pain, there's no cure, then why can't it be a case of sooner rather than later? Sure we have a few palliative care centres here and there. Are they adequate? Not really.
Now I know there's many arguements on each side of this debate. I have a firm belief that people who are anti-Euthanasia because we 'shouldn't be allowed to play God', have never watched a love one suffer so incredibly until finally they can take no more. BTW if 'God' was as good as you think he is, why does he make good people suffer in the first place? Most stupid statement there is. It's not an arguement because there's no logic to it, it's a statement and a stupid one.
Yes, it has the ability to be misused. Depression is classed as a chronic condition, and as someone who's been in that dark space where you don't see any other out, I'm glad euthanasia wasn't around. But can't we put safe guards in place to prevent that? People need to be psychologically screened before they're allowed access - if you're in a depressive episode, you can't make legal decisions anyway because your judgement is impaired. Sure, there will be some people who will slip through the cracks. But as it is there are people doing that. Look at the suicide rate! At least with some counselling we may save some lives.
Doctors can make mistakes. But can 2 or 3? When they all reach the same conclusion?
Technology is changing constantly and there are scientific breakthroughs all the time. Yes, that's great. But for some people, it's not happening in their lifetime. So we should make them sit and rot internally because in a few years there might be a cure?
It makes me incredibly sad. Why are we so afraid of letting people decide when they've had enough of this life? In the end, we have the autonomy to decide whether we seek treatment for chronic illness. At least with Euthanasia, you have the ability to choose a time, place, who will be around and you can get your affairs in order. As opposed to being kept alive by machines because your family don't want to let you go & your body being too weak for you even to protest. Or having to buy drugs illegally from overseas & die alone because your family could be charged & jailed if they have any idea what you're about to do.
I know if it were me, I would hate to not be able to move and have to have someone clean me up because I'd lost control of my bowels again. I would hate to be too weak to talk to my loved ones & tell them the things I always wanted to say. I would hate to have to watch my loved ones faces, as they saw me slowly fading away to a person they didn't recognise anymore. It's not pleasant, and the outcome is always the same. So I think we should have the right to choose.
Anyway, please feel free to comment, tell me your story, let me know what you think.
Cheers,
Qld Nurse.
