Mindful Mummy

I had a big plan this morning to spend possibly my last day with my toddler, just him and me. I head back to work soon, either casually or full time depending on whether I get my dream job or not, so I figured there wasn't much time left to enjoy just us time. He gets a bit neglected sometimes, the poor little guy, what with the infant needing constant supervision to stop him killing himself, so I really wanted to reconnect with him.

I thought we'll head out for breakfast, go to the aquarium, spend an hour or two there and then have some lunch somewhere to finally come home for him to nap.

Well.....

We went to Maccas for breakfast where he peed on the floor (with a nappy on & without wetting his shorts - proud moment!) which resulted in a glare from Fit Mum in her Active wear probably drinking her triple shot decaf soy half foam low fat mochachino. I shot her an 'Eat a Dick' look of my own whilst cleaning up the wee and then we went to play in the playland for a bit.

We then drove half an hour to spend a total of 10 minutes in the aquarium before having a sensory meltdown & demanding we go home. It was 10am and my plans were down the toilet.

Now even just 6 months ago, this would have ruined my day. No, my WEEK. I mean, the plan man. THE PLAN! I'm a list person. I need to tick things off my list to feel accomplished. I need to stick to the plan and if not the plan, then the back up plan. I mean, how else do you fend off the chaos ffs? People that 'just wing it' are freaks who should not be trusted.

Oh and the judgement from that random person whom I'll probably never meet again? Well that probably would have tipped me over the edge. I would have come straight home, cried, and told myself that Fit Mum was going to write a letter to the Department of Child Safety to have my children removed being that I was clearly an unfit mother.

But today, it actually didn't bother me. Instead of the plan - on the way home he calmed down and asked to go shopping. I had a lovely day with him sitting in the trolley laughing and trying on the $1 shoes I bought him, and me appreciating what an awesome kid I have.

A little bit of mindfulness seems to be working for me. I've been working pretty hard on being mindful and 'in the moment'. I'm trying not to dwell on the 'what ifs' and the 'should do' and instead focus on the 'is'. My plan, is to realise that plans and toddlers generally don't work. My plan is to be accepting of the fact that we may aim to do something and it won't work out because one or both of my children will wake up that morning screaming "NOT TODAY SATAN!!" My plan is to accept that some days I'm Mary freaking Poppins, and some days I eat chocolate for breakfast and we don't leave the house.
Sure, the plan today didn't go as it did in my head. My toddler didn't read his emailed itinerary obviously. But I've gotta say that relinquishing a bit of the control has been very uplifting.

I've also had to let go of the GUILT. This is a scenario I'm sure many of you are familiar with:

ME: I'm going to clean the house today.

CROTCH NUGGET: LOLZ! *power spew*

ME: FML.

CN: I'm a koala bear today! Pick me up! WAAAAA!

ME AT 4pm: Jesus! Is that the fucking time? Well paint me green and call me gumby. I'm the worst housewife in the world. I haven't even done the dishes. How do all the other woman nail this? Like, 100% of all the other women nail this. I know for a FACT that every other mother in the world is able to look after the kids, and clean the house, and have a career, and they even do it with lipstick on. And they probably have play dates planned weeks in advance. I haven't even brushed my HAIR today! My children are going to grow up and hate me because I can't get my FUCKING SHIT together! What the fuck is wrong with me?! Why is everyone else far more superior to me at this? God I need a drink.....

Me today:

My kid was happy. He was fed. He fell asleep in the car. We went out, and nothing blew up. Happy fucking days my friends. Happy. Fucking. Days.

I got home and saw a post about a mum struggling with the whole not being able to make plans because of her kids. And I thought - I hear ya sister. But let me let you in on a secret - if you make plans with friends and have to cancel because your kids have turned into Chucky - your friends will understand. And if they don't understand - you need new friends.

All of my mum friends have cancelled on me with short to no notice and I have done the same. That's how it goes. Sickness, tantrums, sleep times and logistics - it's pretty much a military exercise to line up schedules to catch up with people and when you do, guaranteed there'll be an outbreak of hand foot bloody mouth at kindy which will ensure you're quarantined for that week.

Give into the chaos. Expect the unexpected as it were. As every mother's good friend Elsa says - Let it go. Let it go.

Cheers,

Qld Nurse.