I don't know when it happened. I can't tell you if it was a gradual transition or if it happened overnight. I'm not sure if it's a phase or not. But it's happened. It's here.
I'm one of 'those' mums.
The gushy mum......
I disgust myself sometimes. I feel like occasionally I need to kick my own arse. It's just that this kid of mine is so freaking adorable! Sometimes I feel like that place where my heart should be is just about exploding. I totally understand why people have lots of kids now.... (yes, actually my husband IS scared.)
So I firmly debate that I ever really had 'severe' postnatal depression - I was just having a shit time with a shit situation because my child was unwell & no one believed me (FYI he had cow's milk protein allergy, where he pretty much morphed into an amazing kid the night we put him on an allergy formula'). Buuuuut, devil's advocate, if I did have PND, it is most definitely not present right now. I'm pretty sure that people immediately regret their decision to ask me how my son is going. I mean after like 30 minutes of me bragging about how amazing he is they seriously wish a hole would open up & swallow them whole.
'Coz I'm pretty sure my kid is the smartest kid in the world. He is also the cutest, funniest, spunkiest little dude this world has ever and will ever see. And I'm sorry, but if you tell me anything other than that, it will probably be the last thing you ever say.
He's at that really cute stage where he's crawling, and trying to stand up, and making words up, and eating/playing with his food, and smashing every toy against everything we own, and getting into shit he shouldn't get into, and starting to realise that he can crack it big time when he doesn't get what he wants.
He said 'mum' today - his first word, and he calmed down once he got 'mum' (that's me!!) and I swear to Bacon that my ovaries shot out and knocked my husband out. Downside to that is, he also sounds like he's crying 'mum' when we put him down for his hated naps where we clearly crush his soul and impinge his time to shine irreparably. I would definitely accept it if he said 'dad' for that one....
What made me come to the conclusion that I am now 'annoying braggy mum', is that we had some friends come to stay this weekend and even I noticed that I was pretty much banging on about what an awesome parent I clearly was, as evidenced by my clearly awesome child. I needed a break from myself, so I have no idea how our friends coped! Hats off to you friends - I would have understood a swift slap to the face!
But it suddenly dawned on me, that after months & months of doubting my ability and second guessing myself.....I'm doing OK.
I mean, I'm not gonna say I'm 100% perfect parent, but who is really? Sometimes I'm just so sick of being a mum, that I hand my clearly genius/model/scientist child to my husband the minute he walks through the door after work, and pretend I'm busy researching some mad parenting biznit on the computer when i'm really just trying to beat level 550 on Candy Crush.
But fuck it - that's ok! I used to beat myself up. I mean I bought my 2 month old baby flash cards for fucks sake. What the actual fuck was I thinking? "Here premature baby genius! Cat. C-A-T. Cat. You will not be delayed like every medical professional has stated!"
Dead set. Settle the fuck DOWN mumma bear!
I'm not saying that the way I parent is the gold class, A standard of parenting. I'm saying that the way I parent is the gold class, A standard of parenting for my child, right now. Next week, it will change. Next child will be different. Your child will be different.
But I'm not ashamed to say, that I am now 'braggy mum' and proud of it! If you don't like it, feel free to suck my sweaty nut sack.
Because right now, I'm pretty awesome. This is evidenced by my pretty awesome child.
So there.
Cheers,
Qld Nurse.
