Because (in case you couldn't tell by the rage and spelling errors) I mostly blogged when I was drunk and have fired up over something. Like vaccinations, stupid parenting advice, or generally just dumb people that have pissed me off. (Side note: I re-read my vaccination blog and drunk or no, I was pretty happy with it and stand by every word!)
I haven't been drunk in a while. I haven't really felt the need. I like not waking up hungover and I kind of want to be healthier. I've had days where I've really thought 'holy bacon I could go a Bundy!' but then I realise that I'd rather just sleep. I think it's been well over a month since I've had anything to drink at all.
I haven't been fired up over something worth blogging about. I get angry and talk about it, therefore not feeling angry anymore, or I just realise that it's not worth getting angry about and continue on living my life.
All this got me thinking...... am I like.....mentally stable right now?
And if so, WHO THE HELL AM I EVEN?!?
I have this feeling inside me, where I'm not really feeling any angst about anything in particular. I think it's called contentment. I've NEVER been content before. EVER. As in my whole (almost) 31 years, I have never just sat back and gone 'yep, everything is pretty orright actually'. I've always been fighting with someone, having relationship issues, having baby issues, having extreme mental health issues, helping others deal with their extreme mental health issues.....
Right now I'm not doing any of that. I'm just.... happy. I'm a bit scared kids. Seriously, I think I need an adult.
I see a psychologist regularly who's given me tools that actually really help. I have my child in a routine and he's (mostly) happy and sleeping through the night, which means I (mostly) sleep through the night. I did a parenting course, which I'm pretty sure repaired our attachment issues and I'm even thinking that maybe a 2nd or 3rd or 10th baby is a possibility in the future. I have a list on the fridge of what we will be eating daily and the exercise classes I'm going to take. I'm joining a freaking gym tomorrow and have actually scheduled that into my day kids. I have a cleaning schedule so the house is pretty clean most of the time. At least once a week every room in the house gets a really good solid clean. You never really know how dirty your house is until you have a crawling baby in your house.
For realsie. I'm totally winning at life right now.
I write a shopping list according to what we will be eating and I don't go up and down the aisles and buy unnecessary shit anymore. I made my husband AND my child breakfast the last few mornings and we sat down and ate together before he went to work. I even said aloud, 'you know, I wouldn't mind being a stay at home mum. I think I'd be good at it.'
Holy shit.
I just realised who I am.
I'm a fucking Stepford wife.
Fuck.
Or old.
Of course. Never mind everyone. I'm just old.
Crisis averted.
Cheers,
Qld Nurse.
Love it biatch
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