So there's only a few more months until I return to work, and I'm freaking out a little. I will have had almost a whole year off actual Registered Nursing (not breastfeeding nursing just FYI sanctimonious mummies and who gives a fuck anyway thank you very much) and it got me thinking "wholly heck! I can't look after another person!" And then I had a 'duh' moment and got to thinking about how Nursing and Mummy-ing are similar in a lot of ways.
1. You are constantly covered in someone else's body fluids
Be it spit, vomit or the cliche 'code brown', Nurses and Mums are used to being covered in fluid that they didn't produce themselves. You just kinda wipe it off and get on with the job. Funny story - every nurse has their 'thing'. The thing they can't handle & will gag at, for example phlegm, runny shit etc. Mine was breastmilk. Well guess what haters? I'm unstoppable now!!
2. You have to put your own needs second to those of the tiny human/big human in your care
Oh you're hungry? Well guess what Nurse/Mum? No one cares. Your patient doesn't care. The tiny dictator living in your house doesn't care. You can try and have some lunch when you think it's an acceptable hour to have it, but then the tiny dictator/patient will code brown/just code and you will end up having lunch at 3pm and by then you won't be hungry anymore so you'll just have 4 Scotch fingers and a coffee and wonder why you're fat.
3. Along with No. 2, sleep is something you vaguely remember from 'back in the day'
E.g. Before you were a student nurse, before you started shift work, before you had a child. Sleep is non-existent when you're a Nurse and/or Mum. You learn to function on a few broken hours. You're not sure how you do it, but you do. On the rare occasion you get 8 hours straight sleep, you actually wake up feeling worse because your body isn't used to resting to it's potential and you wake up wondering what year it is.
4. You have to have an enormous bladder & pelvic floors like a baws
Self explanatory no? The moment you need to pee, will be the moment your baby wakes up and needs a feed/play/rock to sleep/nappy change/your soul. The moment you need to pee, will be the moment you have to hang 5 IV's/do obs/wash your patient/do your notes. They don't call it 'nurses bladder' for nothing. Also, the more you hold pee, the better your pelvic floor muscles. Everyone knows that after a baby, those little suckers weaken. Nurses, have AMAZING pf muscles. Suck it child birth. You ain't got nothing.
5. Emotions run high - control that shit
Baby crying non-stop? Control yourself. Patient dying? Check your emotions. I am like the master of self control now. Nemaste motherfuckers. There have been many, MANY times when I have felt like throwing that bag of wipes across the room, flipping the change table and walking out of my life. The same with nursing. Emotions run high. You gotta control that shit! That patient that says they have 10/10 pain while they're laughing on the phone to their friend and eating a bag of chips - you can't slap them! Same as a kid that is pushing your buttons and makes you wonder why you did this in the first place. Violence is a no-go my friend. Nursing/having children makes you patient as a saint. Or at least knowledgeable in the places you can go and cry silently without anyone noticing.
6. You have control over someone's life
Whether a little person or a big person, their life is pretty much in your hands. They trust you to do what's best for them. They have complete faith that you will make the right decision. Whether it's making sure they get the right drugs, to whether they have complete faith that you will look after their every need. When you stop & think about that, it's terrifying. That's why you should not think about it. I said don't think about it! STOP THINKING ABOUT IT!!!
7. You wouldn't change it even if you had the chance
The possibility of an admin job came up for me. I literally shuddered. The same as being a parent. You just ARE a Mum. You just ARE a Nurse. The thought of being anything else kinda makes your soul hurt a little. Even though you hate it sometimes, even though you wish you could change it sometimes, even though the thought of waking up to another day of patient/baby makes you die a little inside sometimes, you wouldn't change it for the world. The thought of NOT being a Mum/Nurse makes you change your perception of yourself. It's just who you are and that's that. It doesn't make you better than anyone. Except it kind of does. Nurses are awesome. Mums are awesome. So, I hate to say it, but Mums who are also Nurses, are kind of like super stars. Sweaty, poo covered, exhausted, cranky super stars.
Qld Nurse.
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