Choose Happiness

Hey everyone!

It's been a while! What's been happening? Just kidding. I don't care. The point of having a blog is that it's totally self indulgent.

So what's been happening with me?

Well, 11 weeks ago tomorrow I had weight loss surgery (WLS) by getting like 80-85% of my stomach cut out.

Was it awesome? No.

Has it worked. Yes. I've lost weight. Do I feel amazing about myself? FUCK NO!

The thing with me, is that I have exactly 0 self control. About food, about life, about pretty much everything. I have this little voice in my head that I like to call 'Fuck it Me' who decides (after a little bit of alcohol) that whatever I want is it. I was well aware, that being a thinner, more healthier version of me was in no way going to change the way I viewed myself. But I figured that at least being a thinner, healthier version of myself would give me a couple of years extra with my crotch nuggets rather than dying of a coronary at 40.

My desire to self destruct, comes from a childhood of being told that I was never good enough, and a lifetime full of being told that I 'can't.'

Here's a little fact for all you single men out there - if you tell a woman that she is forbidden to do something, as Eve would let us know, that apple is way too juicy and tempting and she will not only do it simply because you said she wouldn't, she will also do it with a smile on her face and big middle finger in the air!

So my life is pretty much a series of bad decisions, being made because some dickhead or society told me I shouldn't or couldn't. Let's be fair - that shit has NOT worked out well for me in the past. I do realise this and have been trying to rectify it for about 3 years of therapy now.....

I had a 'revelation' the other week. I know it may sound obvious to you awesome people who have your life figured out, but for me it wasn't. So if you are one of these people about to smack your head and say 'no shit, Sherlock' - please feel free to go and copulate with a cactus.

You can actually CHOSE happiness.

Wow. Mind blown right?

You can choose to be pissed off about other people's behaviour. Or not.

You can choose to be constantly seeking the 'next best' thing your life. Or not.

You can actually choose the level of discomfort you feel about stuff.

So right now, I choose to be happy. I choose to take the past of least resistance, and accept that I may never get any better than I am now.

And that's cool. Because as far as the shit hitting the fan goes, I'm a drop in the ocean.

There are people that literally don't have clean drinking water. There are people who are having sex with people against their will because their parents sold them into sex slavery. There are people who are living in captivity, simply because they were born in the wrong country.

So if you're feeling a bit shit today, I'm sorry about that. I'm sorry you're feeling shit. Honestly and truly, I am.

But sometimes, you've got to choose happiness. Sometimes, that's hard in a world that's trying to bring you down. Sometimes that's hard when you have the misogynistic pricks of the worlds telling you that you're just a sex symbol.But you've got to make a conscious decision to CHOOSE it. And I'm getting the feeling that it's a daily choice.

And I can promise you that the more you choose happiness - the more that happiness will surround you. It's hard to be a cunt to someone who is smiling at you.

I mean look at this shit! Can you not feel happy looking at her smiling fucking face??!?

You're amazing. And you deserve to be happy.

Choose happiness. You deserve it.

Cheers,
Qld Nurse.