So I'm halfway through OcSober! Yay! I've just finished a string of night shifts so I would gladly beat someone senseless for a Bundy right now and the fact there is only 14 more days until I can have one is doing nothing to quell my thirst. My sister said to the me the other day 'with your luck, you'll find out you're pregnant on October 31 and won't be able to drink anyway!'. Thanks, jinx! (But secretly wishing it would come true.)
OcSober has done nothing for my health despite taking liver detox tablets everyday and actually being pretty good with the diet thing. Not so much with the exercise thing, but weight loss is 80% diet, 20% exercise anyway right? Or in my case, 60% hormones, 30% diet, 10% exercise - that's my story and I'm sticking to it! Remember, i'm just off night shift so I will hurt you..... I have gained weight, I'm still not sleeping any better and it's not getting any easier. Cry me a river right?
Soooooo because the alcohol thing is a crock of shit, I decided to try some 'Fertility Acupuncture' today. It was quite an odd experience, the chap comes highly recommended and I've never meditated before, but I had an 'experience' which made me feel more at peace and hopeful than I have in quite a while. He also gave me some herbs to try, and at this point I'm willing to pretty much give anything a go. I left feeling not better, but different. I'm choosing to see it in the positive.
Acupuncture was decided after reading a book called "Bump & Grind - The A to Z survival guide for when you're trying to get pregnant and sick of being told to relax" by Genevieve Morton. If you are struggling to conceive, and you haven't read this book already, do it. Seriously, here's the link. http://www.amazon.co.uk/Bump-Grind-Z-Survival-Pregnant/dp/1905410883
This book was written TO me. TO ME guys. It was like she had gotten inside my head and was writing to let me know that everything I'm going through is completely the same as others who are also struggling to fall pregnant. I mean I always knew I wasn't alone. But now I KNOW. I can't explain it. Validation is a powerful tool I guess.
On the flip side, it also made me realise that maybe i'm not actually doing enough, and made me hell nervous for our specialist appointment next month. For example, I haven't once taken my temperature. A) because I don't own a thermometer but B) because seriously you have to take your temperature? WTF? I don't religiously piss on ovulation tests. Mostly because my cycles are so irregular that it would cost me hundreds of dollars a month (or three) in tests because i'd have to test pretty much every day, for sometimes up to 10 weeks. I also don't have our diet religiously planned out to ensure that i'm having fucking quinoa or some shit because it increases the likelihood of the production of blah blah blah. I just figured, up the vegies, down the processed crap, watch the portion size = happy days.
But most importantly, this is the first actual book I've read on the subject. Don't get me wrong, I've seen enough web pages on PCOS and trying to conceive and blogs, that this blog should probably be a lot better than it is, but I've never actually read a book. The picture she paints in this book is that I'm supposed to have a library of books, categorised by colour and number of tips and my genitals should have friction burn from having sex twice a day for the past year.
The feeling - inadequate. I've felt inadequate as a woman for a while now because I can't conceive, but now I also feel inadequate to be able to bitch and whinge about it too! Like I haven't tried hard enough because I haven't gone gluten, dairy, carb, sugar, caffeine, and sanity free whilst also checking my cervical mucus 3 times a day and charting my temperature whilst exercising for 2 hours a day. *sigh*
I can't win. I think I think too much, and my acupuncture today pretty much (in my head where I was thinking) confirmed this. The needle that hurt the most and didn't seem to ever 'fade'? The one smack bang in the middle of my forehead. Sign?
Anyway guys I've got to go and buy another 10 books to read asI molest my husband whilst cooking some berry oats.
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